My dark day

Once a year I have, what I like to refer to as, a dark day. I know this day is approaching weeks in advance, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. It comes. Every single year. I don't even have to look at the calendar to know it is "the day", I just wake up and I feel it in my soul.

It starts out with a sick feeling in my stomach and pretty soon after that the tears just start flowing.

It all started 7 years ago. Super Guy was 1 year old and we just found out we were pregnant again. We were so excited. I went for my 8 week check-up and as my doctor was giving me an ultrasound she couldn't find a heartbeat. That's when she told me I was going to have a miscarriage.

I was devastated. I broke down right there in the exam room. My doctor was trying to tell me about all my options; D&C, natural, etc. But I just wanted to get out of that room. I just wanted to go back to that morning when everything was perfect. So I just left. I don't even know how I managed to drive myself home, I was a wreck.

The next few weeks I pretty much stayed in my PJ's all day long. I was so depressed. Then the day that I had been dreading, finally came.

July 18th 2006, I woke up and just knew something was wrong. I just sat there and started crying. So I called my husband and told him I needed him to come home. He rushed home to me and the rest of the day I laid on the couch in intense pain.

Finally around 5:00 pm is when I lost my baby. That was one of the most difficult days of my entire life. And it is a day I will never forget.

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, "Too beautiful for Earth"." - Unknown

The reason I call this day my dark day, is because I don't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone on this day. I just want to lock myself away from the world. Of course I can't actually do that (I have 3 kids that need me), but I'm definitely not myself on this day.